An Open Letter to my Grandma

It's been fourteen days since I've seen you and ten days since you've passed. It finally hit me today that you're gone. Tears filled my eyes when Miguel's version of Remember Me from Coco came on my shuffle during my drive down to Milford. Suddenly, I was taken back to the moment Daddy and I were crying on the phone the morning after it happened.

I am so grateful I got to spend so much time with you while I was growing up, and I'm thankful for all the phone calls and visits as I got older and wasn't living in Texas. Sometimes, I purposely didn't answer your calls so you'd leave me a voice message. Now, I listen to them on repeat to hear you tell me, "I love you too much." I wish we could have had deeper conversations, but the language barrier made that difficult. Still, we managed to make the most of our phone calls and talks.

Within the past ten months, Austin and I have lost five family members. That's so much loss and grieving to feel. By the conversations with Daddy, my aunties, and uncle over the past couple months, I knew your time was coming soon. I prayed so hard that you'd wait to go until I got to see you again. And I thank you for suffering a little longer until we got there. I know you're not in pain anymore, which brings me a lot of comfort, but it hurts so much that you're not here.

I'll share some of our last moments together because those times will replay over and over in my head. I was kneeling next to you while you laid on the bed and rested your hand on my cheek. You spoke Spanish and I assume you said, "Becerra, I am so strong. Look, I am so strong" then next thing I knew, you were slapping my face to show me that you weren't weak. It made me laugh so hard because the day before, a couple of us were sitting in your room, and you said, *in Spanish* "Where's Austin? I need a hug from Austin." He got a hug and a kiss, and I got a slap. Ohhhh Grandma. You're funny.

There's so much more I want to say to say to you but can't find the words. Thank you for being my favorite person in the whole world. I’m lucky to be your favorite, too. I love you forever. I miss you so much.

Love, your becerra chula